hey trevor

november 12, 2010

hey trevor

as you are driving

to your self-destruction

you must be wondering

what am i doing

at 3am in your apartment

so inconveniently away from the city

were we once floundered our dreams

titillating – without regards to reality

i just wonder

how come you are still here

and i am not with you

hey trevor

as you are wearing that black cap

that i gave you on your birthday

i can almost see

the total desolation of your destination

i might have been able to

if i wasn’t just so astounded by my own presence

here in your bedroom -- no less

so immaculate in tidiness

so blissful in your manly husk

that i can smell from your pillows

lying here in the untouched side

were i can barely smell me

and my scent of abandon

the deafening sound of despair

hey trevor

you must be laughing

not as hard as i am right now

wearing this silly big hat from mexico

remembering our first time in mexican soil

but i bet you can only remember

the fireworks on your 27th birthday

and how you'd say things like

“churches are everywhere”

“look, a roof cactus”

and the best tacos ever

i bet trevor

i bet

hey trevor

wherever you are i must be leaving

i hope i'lll catch you one morning

or tomorrow, or so

i know there are things left unsaid

and probably will remain that way

but for now

hey trevor

i am here

i was here